I learned his name today.

You're just a thought that keeps swimming through my mind and I don't know why.

Late Night Wonder

I always wonder what would have happened if I had said all the things I wanted to say.

In the midst of her soul, there’s still a hurt little girl all alone, asking for someone to finally come save her.

I wish I could've found the words to ask you to stay.

Note to self #1

most of the things you worry about don't actually happen. 

What I don't get is

how you can walk straight past me like I never meant anything to you.

Here I was,

thinking that no one could be that perfect

mental note

I need to make a mental note so I don’t forget reality and confuse it with the little fantasy I have in my head. Some people don’t mesh well but god he’s so damn cute.

Sleepless

I can't sleep and its killing me.

August 24.

I wasn't planning on being here. I really wasn't. I wanted to be three hours away, in another state, away. Gone.
I had wanted to be living in another room that was probably really cramped. I wanted to shove all my belongings in boxes and carry them up too many flights of stairs, have my head dripping with sweat.
I wanted there to be goodbyes and promises of calls.
Today has been hard for me.
I wanted to get away and possibly never look back.

I believe we can go the distance.

clever?

I know this isn't very clever, but I just want you with me.

Bright blue eyes

Stop smiling at me with those bright blue eyes that bring me to my knees every time. Just stop trying to get me to look your way. We both know we can't, that it will never work out.
Please, stop laughing that beautiful laugh and smirking the way you do.
And never look at me with those eyes that have a glimmer of hope in them.
There's no way. I'm sorry.

Terrified

I'm terrified that things will always be this way, but I'm too afraid to tear down the walls that I've put up. I keep hoping that someone will one day appear and make things better, but I can only hope for so long.

"The way you walk, way you talk,

 way you say my name, its beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change"

Broken Hearts

A broken heart is never truly mended. The scars stay with us, and teach us caution, and to tread lightly.

Hurricane

I have a hurricane of thoughts running through my head. I can't wait to have distractions.

You are genuine

and deserve so much better than you have received.
Including me.

Just a fleck,

a teeny, tiny sparkle that shimmered in the light

I'd be sick inside

if baby, you'd be my cure.

Got my hopes up

He wasn't there again today. I honestly know nothing about him, so he very well could have gone back to school or something. I was just so devastated when I walked in and saw that someone in a yellow shirt had taken his place.
Oh well, I guess it doesn't really matter. Maybe I should put this one on the shelf, too?

Show Up

I guess I'm wondering if you'll ever show up again or if I'll only be able to see you in my dreams from now on.

Disappear

So I guess I'll go shower myself in tears, just trying to forget about you.

Something so beautiful...

and free. was this never meant to be caged in?

“do you want to be a loser, or do you want to be rich and awesome like that guy from maroon 5?"

Jennifer's Body is probably the most random movie I've ever watched.

"she started to isolate herself, because it hurts less than being pushed away"

my life as of late

You'll Turn Out Fine

"let’s forget about the future 

live like we won’t see the sunrise 

come on now make it last 

live crazy and go on adventures 

there’s no need to fear anything 

we’ve got nothing left to lose "

come on

"She's got the summer blowing through her hair, She turns it up, She says tonight you take me anywhere. He's got a fire burning in his eyes, He turns it up, And he says girl you better hold on tight."

Miles Apart.

Sometimes, the house across the street seems miles and miles away. What I wouldn't do to go back to that day.

Summer

I like when a light breeze sends fresh summer air through my window. I like how the scent engulfs me and frees me, making me want to bask in the golden rays of sunlight that are just a few feet away, outside, where birds soar and luscious plants grow.

Selfish

I was selfish and reckless. I was desperately trying to save something that wasn't mine to keep. I'm so sorry for breaking your heart.

Conflicting Emotions

sometimes the world just gets too much. and its like bad things are pressing at you from every angle. and you feel full and starving and hot and cold and like you are suffocating and powerless all at the same time. and giving up seems logical.

Slow it down

So basically, I'm trying not to get my hopes up. And I'm trying not to fall for the idea of you. I'm trying to play it cool. And I'm trying to take it slow. 

I guess I'm just another stupid girl that actually thought this was for real

Beginning of hour 39!

I'm crazy.
Also, I'm about to collapse.

And I guess I'm kind of done with feeling this way.

Its never gonna happen

He wasn't there today!!!!
I walked through the doors and looked straight at the counter, but couldn't really see because of all the produce in my way but I made some quick strides to get closer.
GUESS WHAT I SAW?
A yellow shirt and dark hair.
I have to go back to the grocery store tomorrow so hopefully he'll be there.
I'm crazy. I get it.
I'm kind of glad actually, that he wasn't there. My hair was not cooperating so I had to put it up in a messy ponytail. Let me just say, it was not attractive.
Also, in three minutes I will have stayed up for 36 hours.
That's a new record!
I'm more than mildly excited.
My sister is pressuring me to stay up for 48. ahahhahaha.
I don't think I can do that, but never say never!!
I'll give it a try, but I think I'll only make it another hour or two.
ONE MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Super Bass.
(this is a wicked long minuteeeeee)
YESYEYSYEYSYEYSYEYSYEYSYEYS!!!!!!!!!
Here I am. I have successfully stayed up a full 36 hours (my previous was 35)
Gonna go post some more pre-written posts.
Ok.
Bye! :)

I Don't Know

There's nothing wrong in asking me a favor, so just come on over and spit it out instead of making me aware of every single doubt I've ever had about you. And seriously, quit making me feel so blue.

Bedrooms

This bedroom, four walls that contain me and restrain me. Nothing seems right anymore. Not even familiarity can cheer me up now. Change is what I seek.

That's Pathetic

That's pathetic. We're back at the start. And its crazy because you've stolen my heart.
But here I am, never wavering. I'll stand by your side, all the time.
Its so crazy, really crazy.
Everything's changed, now you're acting deranged.
Our relationship is falling apart.
I could tell from the start.

You look, but you never buy

You're so good at making me cry

Contagious

Your laugh is contagious and your heart is true. I think that's why people are drawn to you. Myself included.

She fell out of touch because she felt too much

More

you mean more to me than you'll ever know. i wish i could open up to you and let my feelings show.

2am

My favorite time of day is very very late at night/early morning. Its so peaceful and fresh. I love the quietness of it all.

There's something about 2am that makes my mind race. Its like everything becomes clear and I feel like I can really see.

Baby, come hold me tight

I threw my arms around you neck and held on tightly. I could feel your hear beating beneath your chest, fast paced. I can only imagine how quickly mine was racing. I'm sure you could feel it just as well as I could feel yours.
Emotions kept bubbling up and I tried to stifle them. There was no hiding it, I was elated. No one could keep the smile off my face. When I pulled away to look into your eyes I saw the same smile on your face. I've never been so happy.

unexpected

that 'unexpected' call wasn't completely unexpected. i had seen it coming miles away. kind of like the way you can read my mind - you always know what i'm thinking - you're tuned in to my thoughts. i'm tuned in to those late night telephone calls. i guess that's why i haven't been sleeping.

Grocery shopping is the best part of my week.

He wears a purple shirt -  its part of his uniform. Despite the others who wear the same color shirt, on him it seems brighter. Its the first thing I look for when I walk through those automatic doors. Blonde hair that's the color of sunshine leaves me wondering.
To learn his name would be my greatest achievement. To hear him speak for longer than a moment would make me smile for possibly the rest of my life. To speak to you - just utter one word would take all my courage and strength.
Hopefully you would leave me wanting more, but even if you didn't, just to look at you for longer than a second would be worth all the heartache in the world.

I'm not going to follow my heart anymore since it's going to be forever on the left and never right.

Who am I kidding?

We would rather spend our night with a bottle of whiskey & listening to our music playing through headphones than go to some vomit-stained high school party.

We think the idea of a good night is sitting on the hood of a car, watching the stars. 

True Story (GL)

May 1, 2010 was a Saturday. I remember because I saw you driving home from work. I had been at the movies with friends and we were walking back to my car when I looked out into the street. There you were, looking right back at me. We held eye contact for a moment, but I turned away. 

I didn't see you again until November. You were walking in the opposite direction, but you passed me on the left side. I felt my heart burst with joy, or maybe excitement. I couldn't tell. In that fleeting moment everything I had ever felt for you erupted and consumed me. It was like I forgot what our relationship had really been. 

For a week I kept my eyes wide open, hoping to catch a glimpse of you. I thought that stolen glances would be enough, but I didn't see you again, and still haven't. 

George, you were everything to me for a little over two years. You were the first thing on my mind in the morning, and the last thing on my mind at night. All I wanted was you, but you're two years older, and were gone for a while. No one has taken your place, but I wish you would just leave me alone. Every time I think you're gone for good, you show up, making me want you all over again. 

If our paths cross again, please don't look at me. I want this to be nothing if it can't be everything.

Love

You set my heart on fire and leave me guessing if I'm good enough for you. You're different and it feels like you've forgotten me already. That leaves an aching in my heart, because there's something about you that's infectious and familiar. You are in every happy thought I've ever had in my head.

Not much to me

There's not much to me
Not much to me at all
I've always felt so small
Never really had anyone to call

But you make me feel more than I've ever felt
I used to be so unsure
Never really used to care
Now I can't help but stare, stare at you
Whenever you walk into a room

You look so good all the time
And I can't get enough of you
Hope you feel the same way too

I never listened

You give me all kinds of advice and say all the right words.
Like, never let the sun go down while you're still angry
Don't let anything stop you
Try not to be afraid

I never listened. Feel like such a fool
Now you're gone, like all those nights
Just a faded memory, I'm sure

I was nothing to you, should've known better

What would you want with a girl like me?
Obviously nothing

Ok Again

I haven't been okay in a long time
Haven't felt right since that night
Ben by myself for too long
Anything I do is always wrong

Feel so lost
I'd do anything, don't care the cost
Just to feel like one of them
Just to feel okay again

Walking by myself - I hate the way that sounds
Why is no one ever around?
I've been thrown away, just like every other day
Wishing I could find my own way, soon

Feel so lost
I'd do anything, don't care the cost
Just to feel like one of them
Just to feel okay again

Feel so lonely all the time
Wishing I knew why
Wish I was as pretty as the birds when they fly
Wish I could leave this all behind

Feel so lost
I'd do anything, don't care the cost
Just to feel like one of them
Just to feel okay again
Just to feel okay again

His Eyes Said It All

I could tell by the look in his eyes that maybe I'm just another one of his lies.
I could tell that all he thought of was the prize.
Maybe we weren't meant to be, but I can't handle all this misery.

Memories of what we used to be just keep haunting me.
Never thought it would hurt this much to just be free.

I could tell by the look in his eyes that he never really cared.
Didn't think anything of everything we shared.
Can't believe I fell for everything he said to me.
Oh, I could tell b the look in his eyes.

Thinking about you

 My heart is restless. I can't sleep. Maybe its because I know what tomorrow will bring.
I can't sleep. Ready to start a new day. Can't get it out of my head, that feeling of you.
 Guess I'm just scared, not ready to tough it out just yet. Can't get you out of my head.
My hear just isn't logical. I know I shouldn't want you, not after what you did. Guess I'm just scared.

On the road

Can't wait to get on the road again
Can't wait to feel that open air
Can't wait to be free

Its all I think about
Its my so called love
Can't get enough of my so called love

Can't wait to see you there
Can't wait to show you what I've got
Can't wait to be free

Its all I think about
Finally getting out
Can't enough
Can't wait to be out

There's no way to describe how I feel inside
Its my so called love

Its all I think about
Finally getting out

No way i'm in love

Its too cliche, no way I'm in love
Even though you're everything I want
Even though you're everything I need
You can't be that guy, the guy I want so badly
There's no way I'm in love, no not with you

You're not my usual type
But you make me laugh until I cry
Then you wipe away my tears
How could it be?
No, there's no way I could ever be in love,
Not with you

Being with you feels like home, everything I know
Falling asleep thinking of you
You can't be that guy, the guy I want so badly

When you look at me its like you really see
I like the feeling of being where you are
You're not my usual type

How is it that I let this happen?
How could this be?
Its too cliche, I'm in love with you

All it took

I'm not doing anything wrong
Just needing some inspiration for a new song
That's all

Never know what to write or what to say
Just want everything to be okay
Never wanted you to go astray
Just wanted everything to be okay

You have that smile and you give me that look
That's all it took

Power Through It

Power through it, that's what you always say
Get up, stand up
Can't you see I'm falling?

Never felt so bad in my life
Everything I do is wrong
You tell me to get over it

Guess I'm just pathetic like that
Crying myself to sleep
You tell me to power through it

Easier said than done
Everywhere I go, you're the one tearing me down

That's what you always say
Power through it
Get over it

I feel dead inside
Falling all the time
You keep pushing me when i try to climb

Power through it
That's what you always say

Lost

  Sometimes it’s a good thing to get lost. It heightens all your senses and keeps you on your toes. And since you might have blown your chances of finding your way back, it might be better to just simply enjoy the views, take snapshots, make notes-to-self, meet strange faces who think you look strange too, etc.

  Sometimes you just have to let it go. There might be a good reason why you got lost in the first place. Eventually when you least expect it, your sense of direction will all come back. And surprisingly enough, at that very moment, the place you really want to go to could be right where you are standing.

Rain

Every time I see you I wish it would randomly rain, because in my mind that is when you would pull me close and kiss me until our lips were numb.  Our clothes would get clingy, my makeup would smear, people would stare, and I would be happier than I've ever been in my whole life.

free slurpees can bring people together sometimes.

Summer is rapidly coming to a close and I hate that feeling. I want it to last forever. Except that I don't.
I'm at a weird place in my life where I want so many new adventures, yet want things to stay the same. I know I can't have both.
This has been a summer of heartbreak for various reasons. Everyday I feel myself growing more and more nostalgic for a life I've left behind. So many things have happened to me this year and the fact that is coming closer and closer to an end is starting to freak me out a little.
I'm not ready to grow up. College plans have changed and I'll be at home for another year (a.k.a main reason for heartbreak). This situation has its pro's and con's. One day I'm fine with it and the next I hate it.
I guess I wish I could make up my mind.
I just need a little more time for summer. A little more time to be care free.
Truth be told: I don't think I can do it.
Reality has a way of grabbing onto me when I least expect it, but lately I've been expecting it. Its a strange way to live life, always being on the lookout for doom.
I want to stay in summer for a little longer and let the light breezes wash over me some more.
I wish life was as simple as free slurpees and carnival rides.

Late Night Hour

I sat awake for hours last night, hoping to catch a glimpse of you at my window. You don't come around much anymore, but my windows always open.

Say something.

It would be great if you said something. I just want us to be honest with each other - tell each other what we really feel. I'm so sick of these games and the way they never end. And its so frustrating the way you're able to manipulate me and mess with my head. Please stop wasting my time and just tell me what you want from me.

You can't tell me that

You can't tell me that she knows everything I know about you. You can't fool me into believing that. Be honest with yourself for one second and tell me that you feel the same way I feel about you. Please, please tell me that you love me too.

Your winning streak starts now

Don't act like this is luck
This is all you
You're so much more than you think you are

The Game

You didn't even realize the crowd in the stands were there until the game was over and you stepped off the field. That's how much you loved the game. I could see it in your face.
I think that's what I'll miss most about you.

These hands miss yours.

These eyes need to look into yours, just one more time.
These feet want to be tangled with yours once more.
These words are to let you know I miss you.
I need you.

Can you feel my love, loud and clear?

I guess I never really believed it could be over. I guess i never really believed we would have an end. I thought we could stay this way forever, perfectly happy. Maybe that was wishful thinking, but I think we're meant to be. I just wish that you'll realize this one day, and when you do I'll welcome you with open arms.

Three years have passed

My feelings for you have faded, but I still see you in my dreams sometimes, acting casual as usual.

I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination

I wonder what you think

I thought I fell for you, turns out you just pushed me

I wish you the best and hope you are as happy as you look in that picture

I miss him so much that every part of me aches with longing

You kept me guessing

I was just a silly girl with her head in the clouds