Life Through Photography

  This semester, for my last english paper I had to write about a form of art. I chose photography.
  Photography is probably one of the easiest forms of art to write about which, in truth, is one of the reasons I chose it.
  All my life I have had my picture taken on the first day of school, at social and family gatherings and big events such as graduation, etc. Its everywhere and it was easy to come up with a point of view on the subject.
  I've kind of always been fascinated by photos - taking them especially. In the essay I talked bout this. I mentioned all the various cameras I have ever used and what I captured on them.
  This Christmas I received a camera, nothing special, just a standard point-and-shoot camera. Though I've only had it for one day, I love it already.
  The only problem is I have found that I am not as good a picture taker as I thought. Don't get me wrong, I never for one second thought that I could take a magazine worthy photo, or even one to just frame and hang on my wall in my bedroom, but I always thought I had a potential of some sort.
  Maybe I'm just getting used to using my new camera after not having one for a few years. I don't really know.
  What I do know is that the few pictures I have taken yesterday and today have not been my best.
  The title of the essay I wrote was "Life Through Photography." I described my life by recalling certain photographs and how taking pictures has changed me. Its something I love and cherish, but suddenly, it seems as if that has gone away.
  I think I need inspiration, but I don't know where to look. I've only taken pictures of my cats and a few sneaky ones of my family members who usually turn away at the last second, making for blurry blob and a mess of a photo.
  It was easy when photography was such a huge part of my life, even if I was just taking accidental pictures of the ground. Now, at a time when I am so eager to capture a defining moment, I have no one be in those pictures.
  I am alone and its eating me alive. I am forever stuck behind the camera taking pictures of meaningless things as the world moves on without me, leaving me behind, stuck with photos plaguing me with memories of better times.

None of my dreams came true,

not until I saw you.

There's nothing more beautiful than seeing your face after a long day.

Make it last forever.

I don't want this night to end. I'll stay long after the sun drowns and the sky becomes dark.

You Got What You Wanted.

Now You'll Have To Settle For Watching Life Go By And Keeping Me As A Distant Memory.

I won't stop trying.

I knew it would be difficult, that it wouldn't be easy. But you're worth every sore muscle, drop of sweat, and slight moment of regret.

My attention is all yours.

You've constantly got my attention. You make me conscious of everything I say and do. I wouldn't have it any other way.

All of a sudden my tortured heart became strong and nothing hurt anymore.

I want to have you.

All I do is think of you and it nearly drives me mad. I want to have you all to myself.

All Alone.

I'm nothing but lonely. I'm all alone in my life. I like the quiet sometimes. Thinking is easier alone, there's no distractions. But other times the silence is deafening.

I could never really love you. So I'll leave you here. I'm so much better alone.

Used To.

You used to be young.
You used to play with fire.
You used to not care.
Your heart once beat.
But now, there's almost nothing.

Did you mean the things you said?

I adore you. You were my shining light.
How could we let this come between us?

I'll be the one out of reach

You'll be the one who's weak.
I'll be the one you seek.
I'll be the one out of reach.

Far Away

I'm going somewhere far enough away to forget everything that has ever happened to me.

I want to change - I really do

I want to be someone you want.
I want you to look at me and smile.
I want there to be a shining light around me
so you could see just what this could be.

You think you know someone,

but then the stars divide and everything changes.

Can't Believe Its Morning

The night ended on a high note and the memories will float around in my head all day

I Don't Know Why

I fall apart when you go and I can't run away from it. I tried pushing you away but it didn't work, so I'll be here, by your side, forever.

Sometimes I can't remember how I fell for it,

how I believed every lie.

Thoughts of you fly around in my head and I feel every emotion

Let's fall asleep in a place they can't see and let's wash all our problems away with the shift of the trees, and fly away with the breeze.

I don't ask for much so please just give me this: steal my breath away with a kiss

I'm here, but not forever

You're the only one who can make me blush with a single look, but I can't take the constant indecision. I'm here, but not forever, so make up your mind.

I know I'll miss you, but you did this to yourself.

I wish you the very best but how could you let this go? You did this to yourself and you're the only one to blame.

Sometimes things don't work out

We lived for love and did our best to keep this thing pulled together but sometimes it just doesn't work out.

Over time I know you'll disappear so I'll hold on to you as long as I can

We're falling apart because its easier.

Our love wasn't written in the stars, it was hidden somewhere far out of reach

Let's waste the future away and let the morning fill the sky because I like what I see and I'm into you, baby

1:00pm on a Thursday 12/1/11 (G.O)

I've seen people kiss before, but you kissed her and I could feel my heart beat with hurt, pumping it through my veins, consuming me. You tilted your head at an angle, she pulled away after a second to let you go, but you pulled her back in for more. For the rest of the day all I could think about was how you casually got out of her car, making my eyes brim with tears because you'll never be mine.

You're so transparent, always running out when things get bad.

Breaking the Habit is easier said than done.

We found ourselves caught in a moment when I realized I need you more than I thought, more than you know. I can't break the habit of you and honestly? I don't even want to try.

Like

I like how you don't care. I like how you're honest, so go ahead, say anything you want to me.

Look where we are,

look how you affect me. I guess what was written on my heart wasn't written in yours

Concentration Problems

I'll unroll my window down to get rid of your intoxicating scent that makes it hard to concentrate.

And its not goodnight because I'll be seeing you in my dreams

I guess I'll keep every memory and I'll deny what I said because there's nothing else to do.

I throw everything away because I don't want to be reminded that you're the best I can do.

You think you're worth it,

worth pursuing, you think you can get to me, make me fall on my knees. Take your best shot, but just know that I'm not an easy target.

You're not that far,

but come a little closer. Become something more than I expected. Flatter me and make me think this is oh-so-real

Broken

Both of us, broken, tasted tears but you've got me falling all the way down and you're the only thing on my mind.

Don't Lose It

We're close enough, so please, I'm begging you, don't let us lose it this time.

Getting closer

We jumped, held together by the memories of a time when there were no spaces between us.

Like A Heartbeat

Hold me close, pull me in deeper. Every inch of me yearns for you, wants more, needs you like a heartbeat. I'm on the edge of losing it and I'm ready to let you in.

Worry

I'm walking on broken glass around you, always worried about what I say. I want to be happy with you but I guess its harder than we both thought.

You chose to surrender

and that makes me feel good about leaving

Maybe

You're moving way too fast but I can't complain. Maybe I'd say yes and we'd have a secret love. Maybe I'd say yes and when I gave you my heart you'd keep it.

Your Arms.

I'm not in your arms. You've let me here with too many scars. This love ended in the backseat of your car.

I saw you today.

It took my breath away. You put your eyes on me and without any warning I could feel myself falling harder than I ever have before.

You're not the only one

You're not the only one for me. You've lost this round. I'm not sorry for hurting you this time.

Take me under with you

Make me feel something. Break me until there's nothing left.

Just like that I start to believe that we'll end happily

Its so easy to pretend you're the answer for everything.

You looked at me

and set my hopes on fire. I can't wait to see you again and I have a feeling that this can only get better.

If you're really gone then why don't I feel it?

Why am I not overwhelmed with grief?

I should stop counting days, maybe then my heart could rest and I could focus on something other than you

Heading For The Horizon.

I don't know if this is coming as a surprise to you, but I'l looking for something new. All this talk of leaving has got me thinking that maybe, just maybe, it should be me on that train, on that plane, climbing into that taxi, heading for the horizon.

Can't Look Back.

You've done it again.
You've made me fall deeply in love with you
and you know I can't look back.

You hurt me,

so my revenge will be making sure you breathe me until your last breath.

G.O

You looked at me from across the room and all I could hear was the sound of my own heart beating. You smiled and I thought for sure I was dreaming.

Don't send me home to cry. I need to feel the pain.

We were on fire

and were ready to crash into the sun when you decided you weren't having any fun.

You had all of me and you wasted everything. Tell me why 'cause I don't understand.

I get so happy when I see you.

This midnight is endless as I dream of the first kiss and forget all about my misses, only focusing on the hits and how it would feel to kiss your lips.

I'm finding it hard to make a choice.

I don't know what I want and it seems everybody knows.

What did I do?

In my heart its raining because I've left everyone behind.
The sky is full of broken stars, unable to shine
because someone like me left them behind.

We could be so beautiful

I'll always see into you. Put your faith in me and see all that we could be.

J, where have you been?

Put your heart on the line and kiss me so we can begin to live happily ever after.

I'm That Girl

I'm that girl, the one you pushed right to the edge. I'm the one you left waiting on the street, the one willing to give you her heart.

Its not your fault.

Its not your fault that I can't trust anyone or anything. You came and rescued me and your eyes, they make me weak, but I still can't let you in.

Give me the recognition I deserve because you know I can't live through you or beneath you.

We shouldn't be alone tonight

but its too late to say we didn't know.
It hurts to hold back, I know you feel it too.
I'm drifting away into your eyes
and dreaming that this love will last.

You tell another little white lie and I've got people chasing me down but I've got a reason now to see it all go up in flames.

Whenever we're together I finally believe I belong.

The thought of you carries me away, it takes me to another place.

I wanna lose control. Don't come near me.

You'll just get in my way.

I feel chained down, please let me out.

Is this a dream or is this my lesson?

Just tell me!

Should we pretend the feelings don't exist because all I want is you beside me. I'm not afraid to lose it all so just tell me how you feel.

I'm tired of giving in and cleaning up all the messes you've put me in. You'll have to watch me leave and succeed without you.

Get Away From Here

I ran to you like water, like I forgot my own worth. I'm sick of wishing you were near. I don't know where I'm going but I know I have to get away from here.

I've waited long enough.

The stars are sparkling at night and I know this moment could last forever.

Leave it all Behind.

I know you've got something buried deep. We could just leave town and you could leave those thoughts behind.

I can't get past it. When will we know better?

Do you feel regret?

Never thought I could be so blind. My heart skips a beat as I learn the truth. Do you feel regret? All those wasted years flash by and I wonder what you think of me, but what's the point if our love is gone?

Piece by Piece

You can have my heart, you don't have to steal anymore. Put your hands on me and you can have me piece by piece.

I'm not much better without you.
Now all I have is time and there's no way out.
I miss you.

Tonight I'm weak, I can't sleep.

I used to think I was all you would need but you kicked me aside and I know there's no room for me.

Jeff

Even if it kills me I'll make you realize that I'm yours for the taking. All I want is to fall into your arms and stay there forever, trying to find our way through this crazy world.

I wish I could unremember you. Then, maybe I'd get some sleep.

more and more I find myself longing for those carefree times, but I don't like to reminisce like this

Maybe one day

we can be together.
Let the scene unfold before you.
It seems to me we're meant to be.
You were the one I wanted all along.

You are selfish

and always expecting more. You use your love as a weapon but now I'm fighting back.

I think I'm really into you and there's no way it could get better than this.

wave it all goodbye

The streetlights are dimming and the rain is pouring. I'm sitting here ignoring the rocks you're throwing at my window. You're walking on such a thin line but watch me wave it all goodbye.

My greatest mistake

My greatest mistake was thinking nobody got hurt when it comes to love. Give my heart a break before there's nothing left of me.

Please

All of the words you say have got me believing in everything. I'm addicted to the danger you bring and I know you'll never get me a ring but don't leave me alone this time. Stick around this time.

Taking Me Down...

I don't even know where to start, we're falling apart. You've got your heart locked up tight, never saying what you feel. I gave you every little piece of me but you were conflicted and and now you're taking me down.

Feel

Its almost all too much, the love I feel for you. I thought I would never feel this way again, but I stared into your eyes and everything changed.

Don't Care Where We Land As Long As We're Leaving.

I'm longing for you so tell me what to do

Tell me what to do. You're running through my veins. Its not just a feeling, I'm longing for you. I'd do anything to be with you. You could be all that I need.

I can't ignore this war

You don't need me and if I was stronger I'd be able to see that I need to be alone sometimes, but I can't see with all this sadness in my heart and everything you're holding over my head.

We're young and don't know any better, vowing to sleep only when the sky falls down and the moon fades to black.

You Stole my Heart And In Time I Know I'll Heal

The One

I remember living in doubt, but you pulled me out. Before everything was a shade of gray but you make me se black and white. Now fear is our only enemy. The feelings right and I know you're the one for me.

There's nothing like this moment where we can be anything.

Believe Me

You think I don't see you but believe me when I say that I do. You're always the last thing on my mind and try as I might, those thoughts just won't go away.

Running from tomorrow

There you go. You always throw it all away and run away from everything. I guess I didn't mean a thing to you but you meant everything to me. Now we're over and done and I feel like I will never again feel the warmth of the sun

Let me down why don't you

I wish you were here and that I never woke up from that beautiful dream. I felt like I conquered it all with you by my side. I was ready to go and never look back. I thought I knew you but you just let me down.

weak

I'm happy to see you. In front of me you're not as scary as I thought. You can still make me cry with one quick word but I see that you miss me, need me even, and for once I'm the one with the power to see beyond and realize just how much I meant to you.

Wanting you still

I find myself randomly thinking about you. Your name creeps into my thoughts. There's no use ignoring it. I still want you.

A smile on your lips

I walk around town, first to the place where we met, and then to where you parked your car and told me you loved me. I still remember reaching over to hold your hand, but you pulled me closer and kissed me instead, a smile on your lips. Then, finally, I make my way to your open arms and we dance the night away just like every night since then.

Making it without you

Never thought it would be us living a lie. Everything makes me think of those words you whispered that night with the moon lighting the sky. But I can do this. I can make it without you.

Was it time wasted?

I gave you all of my time, wanting nothing in return. Every time I close my eyes I see you.

Please don't go

Its looking like one of those nights I'll stay up wishing on happiness

you're driving me crazy

You got me like a shock to the heart so come on over and we'll leave the world behind

You took my place and gave it to her. I'm through with liars and now I know that life will go on.

We carved our names in a tree

And so I ran away because we fell apart. I left everything I've ever known. I thought we'd grow stronger like that tree we carved our names in. We had the perfect love story except the ending.

I'm not sticking around

You blame me for everything and it just isn't fair. How can you say we're happy when our life together is the farthest thing from paradise?

hit the ground

i hit the ground with a fierce determination. i run quickly, fighting my demons as i go, simply trying to get down the road.

In the end

In the end we'll get out.
In the end we'll make an escape.
In the end we can say goodbye to the nights that we used to lie awake.

What were you doing?

If you love me then why did you let me go? What were you doing? What were you thinking? There was a change of plans and you didn't let me know.

Drink it in. This is the time of our lives.

I might believe you if I didn't know the truth.

I've always felt that no one else would do - but not anymore. I'm feeling as used as a pair of worn out shoes. I'm giving up because there's  just no use.

I stare at the ground and realize that there is so much that I don't know. I'm living alone and I''d rather nobody mean a thing to me. I'm tired of this and just want you.

You're the only thing i've ever known

in just a little while I'll see you again. I finally came back here to find that the sun went on burning away and that your smile can still bring me to my knees.

Who are you really?

It was my moment of weakness when I thought we had it all. Now there's nowhere to go. You always kept me in the dark but I just want you to know that I turned on the light and I see you for who you really are.

Don't you leave. You're the only thing on my mind and I'm just here asking for your love.

When you take, you take it all, leaving nothing behind. I used to dream about you and you always left me coming back for more, but not this time around.

Never love at all

You are suffocating and it feels like I forgot how to breathe. So I'm through with picking up the phone when you call and I'm through feeling this thing that was never love at all.

I look out the window as you stride across the green grass, hoping you'd look up and see all we could be.

So close, yet so far

I wait for the touch of your hand. I know you're just on the other side of the door, but the distance feels greater.

Pale Moonlight

There's a buzzing energy around us as we dance under the pale moonlight. Its like music is playing from nowhere and we make it up as we go

nothing to say

You're sweeter than roses and I smile like nothing's wrong but my own emptiness consumes me and soon we find we have nothing to say

You

You looked good today. You always look good. I can't sit still as the thought of you plagues my mind, making me regret the way fear gripped me and forced me to run away as fast as I could

Can't you see something's missing? Somewhere we went wrong. We were once on the same side but that was then. Everything we had, everything we were is gone.

I'll Wait

I'll wait here forever, unconnected, even though I know there's a chance you'll never come back again.

The Love I Felt

Everything I thought was on my side slowly slips away. I wish you could see how the love I felt hangs around after you walk out.

Flashing by like Photographs

I guess you could say that I'm trying to ignore you, but its hard to keep the conversation going when memories of when we were happy play in my mind, flashing by like photographs.

You're making me come undone.

Thoughts of you creep back into my mind for reasons I can't explain. You're making me come undone and you're all I want but I won't give in that easily.

You were perfect

and I'll hold you in my mind forever. Now that you're not around I realize that to loneliness I'll be forever bound.

Everything is Gone

You said we'd make our story up as we went, but why are we pretending that this will last? You fall for every girl that walks by. I guess its my turn to leave and this time I won't look back.

I thought you were good, but you're not.

Don't you tell me to be strong. Don't tell me how to feel. Don't tell me you love me when you go around breaking my heart.

Never

It hard when people are constantly pushing you down and telling you that you'll never achieve anything. Its tough and it takes every ounce of strength you possess to overcome it and show that you're better than what they think. Even when you feel like your back is up against the wall, its important to stand up tall. Never give up and never say die.

Through it all

We've been through it all. I'm sorry for not being there when I should have and I'm sorry for not listening.

Sorry

I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean any of it. I've loved you all along.

The words we said that night were drowned out by the rain

Lost

We were trying to get lost so we took the dirt roads. Your truck got stuck in the creek and our laughter was as bright as the moonlight.

What do I have to do?

What I would do to have you look at me through the corner of you eye, to hear my name on your lips?

We were waiting on the sun to go down,

for the real fun to begin, when things got complicated. The line is blurred and I don't know what to do.

You're all I want,

but its not enough this time

Thought I heard you say our love would be forever long.

Guess I was dead wrong

Baby, I've loved you for so long, but suddenly, its as if the thrill is gone

The light of candles and fireflies.

We lay there in the light of candles and fireflies. That warm summer night plays in my head over and over. Words were all we had and for one summer you were mine.

storybook ending

I wanted my own storybook ending but all I have now is memories. We were a mess and I thought we would make it out. This wasn't supposed to happen with me and you.

thoughts

I have too many thoughts that fuel my sleepless nights. Maybe I'm wrong, and maybe I'm just tired of waiting, but I feel like we're not in love - we're just a disaster.

Just wait and see, one of these days you'll fall for me

We climbed out your window and laid on the grass under the stormy skies and for a moment the world stood still

Can we put back all the pieces? Can we work this out? Can we be together again?

They say life isn't fair and I guess that's true because I'll never be with you

Almost a year

Its been almost a year since I've seen you last. Its crazy to think that I could survive without you for this long.

Broken Glass

I've always been a dreamer, but right now my mind is like broken glass. Cracks are scattered along the surface make a clean line between fantasy and reality.

Never understood

I never understood why you wore sandals in the winter, but I find myself thinking about you more and more these days. Its been three years but even that distance can't keep my thoughts from you.

Passing Minutes

The minutes pass and I stand all alone in the cold wondering what I did to make you leave. All I want is your arms around me and the sound of your laugh in my ears.

Catch my breath

I should have told you all the ways you made me feel alive, but September stole me away from you. Now I'm sitting here alone trying to catch my breath from the memory of you.

"How can I put out this fire when you're the one that lit it?"

You take one look at me and suddenly I feel that I'd rather be alone. I wanna know how it feels to be over you for real. I was gonna be your everything because you were once everything to me. So, tell me, how does it feel to be under my skin?

"You think you got to me, I can just read your mind"

"Sometimes it hits like a car crash and its too late to reverse"

Tuesday 10/25:    

     I looked up and saw that he was looking at me. His clear blue eyes stared right into mine. I quickly looked away because I couldn't take it. Words left unsaid lingered in the room.
     The distance between us was like mountains. I wanted so badly to go over there - to climb those mountains, but at the same time I had a tremendous fear of failing. What if I went over there and said what I felt, only to realize he didn't feel the same? What if it didn't work out?

"Life is gonna throw a bunch of crap at you, but all you can do is put it in the past and leave it there."
                          -Mindy Riggins      Friday Night Lights

The only dreams I have worth remembering are about you.

Progress

I've learned to depend more on myself than other people. This is progress.

Why did you come back if you were just going to leave again anyway?

Its only been ten minutes but I have to see you again.

Basically,

I just want you to fall hopelessly in love with me and kiss me until I can't remember my name.

You're as weak as the heart that breaks you

Come back. Be the person I thought you were.

I thought you'd always be mine

You're making it easier and easier to give up on you.

We'll always be between the lines

Brave.

I thought I was doing the brave thing when I said I couldn't see you anymore, but your face still haunts my dreams and I hear your voice when I'm all alone.

Dreams vs. Reality

please get out of my dreams.
if we're not going to be together in real life,
i don't want to be together in my dreams.
that's no way to live. 

I wasn't expecting you

sometimes people take you by surprise

"I've Never Heard

Silence Quite This Loud."

And I want you to know

my heart is broken, too

When we met

The moment we met I felt an instant connection, I hope that one day I'll be able to tell you that

Look at You

At the end of each night nothing ever happens. I try my hardest to stay awake. My days don't end the way I want them to. I keep trying to move on, to get over you. Sometimes I succeed, but not for long. You show up again, making my heart burst with excitement and joy.

I'm fine, just a bit of a mess

I make a fool of myself around you, ad it hurts. I just want you to notice me.

Our lives met briefly, for one fleeting, sparkling moment, and they will probably never meet again.

My mind is so aware of what's going on, but my heart refused to understand the situation.

Broken Heart

The broken heart of an 18-year old girl can only take so much more before the damage becomes irreparable.

nothing is final until you're dead

Midnight Blue

we were sitting on a blanket under that midnight blue sky with stars shining like diamonds. you were talking and i was laughing. a slight breeze shifted the leaves in the trees. the air was cold but i have never felt warmer.

you can't just give up. you have to keep trying. don't take no for an answer. don't let love fly away.

Always and Forever

We're not ready, but I don't care. Its something about the way you look at me.

all this time

even after all this time i wish i hadn't left. most people wouldn't think twice, but you meant more to me than i think you'll ever know

All I Ever Did Was Love You

You called me out, you broke me down and all I ever did was love you.
You made fun of me when I sang out of key but I thought you loved me.
You better keep out of reach 'cause you don't wanna mess with me.
I thought I was lucky but you were just the wrong one.

My heart is beating fast

My feet hit the concrete with the same determination and rhythm as my heart. Sunlight and wind hit my barren face as a memory of the past flows behind my tears

A Wasted Space

I guess I'm just wasted space.
No one sees the pain in my face
Why can't I be like you?
With your pretty face and dazzling smile?
Why can't I seem worthwhile?

Dark Skies

Soon, the skies will be dark, snow will cover the ground and you'll be even farther from me

The sad thing is

I know I'll look for you in everyone else

Beach

And one day we'll live on the beach, forever soaked in the sun

I sang along with you, I knew every word. But you weren't even thinking of me. No, not all.

You weren't here.

I'm feeling heartbroken and you're the reason why. You were everything to me, oh how the sparks used to fly. I guess you'll forget me, but I'll always remember you and that night and the way you could make everything seem all right.

Love is different when you play the fool

Clean and fresh starts

are hard to come by these days. I am always afraid to step on other people's feelings - even a little bit, so you letting me go was a blessing in disguise. Thank for you that.

You went and got to me

like a song on the radio that you try to forget, but it sticks in your head

Look what you've found,

She's been around, I hear the lines long. And don't you tell me to be nice, I'm not a nice girl

Smell of Rain

The smell of rain on the pavement sends chills down my spine. Memories come flooding to the front of my mind - jumping in puddles - running through it and letting it wash over me. Literally and figuratively.

Once Upon A Time I Loved You

My heart is filled with hatred, but my heart is filled with love. All I want to do is forget your perfect, handsome face, Is that too much to ask?

How Can You Blame Me

when I say I wanna make you mine?

Take my hand,

take my breath away. you make me feel like flying. you are everything i'll ever need.

My Fairy Tale Guy,

he whispers lullabies

I Can't Fall Asleep But I Sure Can Dream

First Day of College:

I got lost in the rain and then I shook hands with a guy named Garrett who has nice eyes, so it kind of evens out. Its 6:58pm right now. I'm ready to crash.
Anxiety crept in last night which resulted in me going to bed at 3 in the morning and getting up only a short  two and a half hours later. :(
I only had one class today, so that was good. Then, I got my ID and walked around with a friend.
Tomorrow is a different story, however.
I have no idea what this year will bring.

School tomorrow

not only is it the first day, its the first day of college. i'm pretty nervous. ok bye.

"When love hands me matches now, I'm gonna burn it down"

Its weird how suddenly everything can change

School starts Tuesday. I'm kind of nervous, but at the same tim it feels like I'm in a dream. Sort of. Then, it kind of feels like its still miles off, so out of reach that thinking about it wouldn't make any sense. I don't know. I'm torn.

I don't even want to go. Summer is over. :( I just have to get through one year at community college until I can move out and go to my dream school. Just one year. I think I can do it. Maybe.
asdfghjkl;  I wish things had worked out.

and i don't even know how to react anymore

"Maybe I was naive, got lost in your eyes

and never really had a chance"

Nights like tonight, I just feel so alone.

I learned his name today.

You're just a thought that keeps swimming through my mind and I don't know why.

Late Night Wonder

I always wonder what would have happened if I had said all the things I wanted to say.

In the midst of her soul, there’s still a hurt little girl all alone, asking for someone to finally come save her.

I wish I could've found the words to ask you to stay.

Note to self #1

most of the things you worry about don't actually happen. 

What I don't get is

how you can walk straight past me like I never meant anything to you.

Here I was,

thinking that no one could be that perfect

mental note

I need to make a mental note so I don’t forget reality and confuse it with the little fantasy I have in my head. Some people don’t mesh well but god he’s so damn cute.

Sleepless

I can't sleep and its killing me.

August 24.

I wasn't planning on being here. I really wasn't. I wanted to be three hours away, in another state, away. Gone.
I had wanted to be living in another room that was probably really cramped. I wanted to shove all my belongings in boxes and carry them up too many flights of stairs, have my head dripping with sweat.
I wanted there to be goodbyes and promises of calls.
Today has been hard for me.
I wanted to get away and possibly never look back.

I believe we can go the distance.

clever?

I know this isn't very clever, but I just want you with me.

Bright blue eyes

Stop smiling at me with those bright blue eyes that bring me to my knees every time. Just stop trying to get me to look your way. We both know we can't, that it will never work out.
Please, stop laughing that beautiful laugh and smirking the way you do.
And never look at me with those eyes that have a glimmer of hope in them.
There's no way. I'm sorry.

Terrified

I'm terrified that things will always be this way, but I'm too afraid to tear down the walls that I've put up. I keep hoping that someone will one day appear and make things better, but I can only hope for so long.

"The way you walk, way you talk,

 way you say my name, its beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change"

Broken Hearts

A broken heart is never truly mended. The scars stay with us, and teach us caution, and to tread lightly.

Hurricane

I have a hurricane of thoughts running through my head. I can't wait to have distractions.

You are genuine

and deserve so much better than you have received.
Including me.

Just a fleck,

a teeny, tiny sparkle that shimmered in the light

I'd be sick inside

if baby, you'd be my cure.

Got my hopes up

He wasn't there again today. I honestly know nothing about him, so he very well could have gone back to school or something. I was just so devastated when I walked in and saw that someone in a yellow shirt had taken his place.
Oh well, I guess it doesn't really matter. Maybe I should put this one on the shelf, too?

Show Up

I guess I'm wondering if you'll ever show up again or if I'll only be able to see you in my dreams from now on.

Disappear

So I guess I'll go shower myself in tears, just trying to forget about you.

Something so beautiful...

and free. was this never meant to be caged in?

“do you want to be a loser, or do you want to be rich and awesome like that guy from maroon 5?"

Jennifer's Body is probably the most random movie I've ever watched.

"she started to isolate herself, because it hurts less than being pushed away"

my life as of late

You'll Turn Out Fine

"let’s forget about the future 

live like we won’t see the sunrise 

come on now make it last 

live crazy and go on adventures 

there’s no need to fear anything 

we’ve got nothing left to lose "

come on

"She's got the summer blowing through her hair, She turns it up, She says tonight you take me anywhere. He's got a fire burning in his eyes, He turns it up, And he says girl you better hold on tight."

Miles Apart.

Sometimes, the house across the street seems miles and miles away. What I wouldn't do to go back to that day.

Summer

I like when a light breeze sends fresh summer air through my window. I like how the scent engulfs me and frees me, making me want to bask in the golden rays of sunlight that are just a few feet away, outside, where birds soar and luscious plants grow.

Selfish

I was selfish and reckless. I was desperately trying to save something that wasn't mine to keep. I'm so sorry for breaking your heart.

Conflicting Emotions

sometimes the world just gets too much. and its like bad things are pressing at you from every angle. and you feel full and starving and hot and cold and like you are suffocating and powerless all at the same time. and giving up seems logical.

Slow it down

So basically, I'm trying not to get my hopes up. And I'm trying not to fall for the idea of you. I'm trying to play it cool. And I'm trying to take it slow. 

I guess I'm just another stupid girl that actually thought this was for real

Beginning of hour 39!

I'm crazy.
Also, I'm about to collapse.

And I guess I'm kind of done with feeling this way.

Its never gonna happen

He wasn't there today!!!!
I walked through the doors and looked straight at the counter, but couldn't really see because of all the produce in my way but I made some quick strides to get closer.
GUESS WHAT I SAW?
A yellow shirt and dark hair.
I have to go back to the grocery store tomorrow so hopefully he'll be there.
I'm crazy. I get it.
I'm kind of glad actually, that he wasn't there. My hair was not cooperating so I had to put it up in a messy ponytail. Let me just say, it was not attractive.
Also, in three minutes I will have stayed up for 36 hours.
That's a new record!
I'm more than mildly excited.
My sister is pressuring me to stay up for 48. ahahhahaha.
I don't think I can do that, but never say never!!
I'll give it a try, but I think I'll only make it another hour or two.
ONE MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Super Bass.
(this is a wicked long minuteeeeee)
YESYEYSYEYSYEYSYEYSYEYSYEYS!!!!!!!!!
Here I am. I have successfully stayed up a full 36 hours (my previous was 35)
Gonna go post some more pre-written posts.
Ok.
Bye! :)

I Don't Know

There's nothing wrong in asking me a favor, so just come on over and spit it out instead of making me aware of every single doubt I've ever had about you. And seriously, quit making me feel so blue.

Bedrooms

This bedroom, four walls that contain me and restrain me. Nothing seems right anymore. Not even familiarity can cheer me up now. Change is what I seek.

That's Pathetic

That's pathetic. We're back at the start. And its crazy because you've stolen my heart.
But here I am, never wavering. I'll stand by your side, all the time.
Its so crazy, really crazy.
Everything's changed, now you're acting deranged.
Our relationship is falling apart.
I could tell from the start.

You look, but you never buy

You're so good at making me cry

Contagious

Your laugh is contagious and your heart is true. I think that's why people are drawn to you. Myself included.

She fell out of touch because she felt too much

More

you mean more to me than you'll ever know. i wish i could open up to you and let my feelings show.

2am

My favorite time of day is very very late at night/early morning. Its so peaceful and fresh. I love the quietness of it all.

There's something about 2am that makes my mind race. Its like everything becomes clear and I feel like I can really see.

Baby, come hold me tight

I threw my arms around you neck and held on tightly. I could feel your hear beating beneath your chest, fast paced. I can only imagine how quickly mine was racing. I'm sure you could feel it just as well as I could feel yours.
Emotions kept bubbling up and I tried to stifle them. There was no hiding it, I was elated. No one could keep the smile off my face. When I pulled away to look into your eyes I saw the same smile on your face. I've never been so happy.

unexpected

that 'unexpected' call wasn't completely unexpected. i had seen it coming miles away. kind of like the way you can read my mind - you always know what i'm thinking - you're tuned in to my thoughts. i'm tuned in to those late night telephone calls. i guess that's why i haven't been sleeping.

Grocery shopping is the best part of my week.

He wears a purple shirt -  its part of his uniform. Despite the others who wear the same color shirt, on him it seems brighter. Its the first thing I look for when I walk through those automatic doors. Blonde hair that's the color of sunshine leaves me wondering.
To learn his name would be my greatest achievement. To hear him speak for longer than a moment would make me smile for possibly the rest of my life. To speak to you - just utter one word would take all my courage and strength.
Hopefully you would leave me wanting more, but even if you didn't, just to look at you for longer than a second would be worth all the heartache in the world.

I'm not going to follow my heart anymore since it's going to be forever on the left and never right.

Who am I kidding?

We would rather spend our night with a bottle of whiskey & listening to our music playing through headphones than go to some vomit-stained high school party.

We think the idea of a good night is sitting on the hood of a car, watching the stars. 

True Story (GL)

May 1, 2010 was a Saturday. I remember because I saw you driving home from work. I had been at the movies with friends and we were walking back to my car when I looked out into the street. There you were, looking right back at me. We held eye contact for a moment, but I turned away. 

I didn't see you again until November. You were walking in the opposite direction, but you passed me on the left side. I felt my heart burst with joy, or maybe excitement. I couldn't tell. In that fleeting moment everything I had ever felt for you erupted and consumed me. It was like I forgot what our relationship had really been. 

For a week I kept my eyes wide open, hoping to catch a glimpse of you. I thought that stolen glances would be enough, but I didn't see you again, and still haven't. 

George, you were everything to me for a little over two years. You were the first thing on my mind in the morning, and the last thing on my mind at night. All I wanted was you, but you're two years older, and were gone for a while. No one has taken your place, but I wish you would just leave me alone. Every time I think you're gone for good, you show up, making me want you all over again. 

If our paths cross again, please don't look at me. I want this to be nothing if it can't be everything.

Love

You set my heart on fire and leave me guessing if I'm good enough for you. You're different and it feels like you've forgotten me already. That leaves an aching in my heart, because there's something about you that's infectious and familiar. You are in every happy thought I've ever had in my head.

Not much to me

There's not much to me
Not much to me at all
I've always felt so small
Never really had anyone to call

But you make me feel more than I've ever felt
I used to be so unsure
Never really used to care
Now I can't help but stare, stare at you
Whenever you walk into a room

You look so good all the time
And I can't get enough of you
Hope you feel the same way too

I never listened

You give me all kinds of advice and say all the right words.
Like, never let the sun go down while you're still angry
Don't let anything stop you
Try not to be afraid

I never listened. Feel like such a fool
Now you're gone, like all those nights
Just a faded memory, I'm sure

I was nothing to you, should've known better

What would you want with a girl like me?
Obviously nothing

Ok Again

I haven't been okay in a long time
Haven't felt right since that night
Ben by myself for too long
Anything I do is always wrong

Feel so lost
I'd do anything, don't care the cost
Just to feel like one of them
Just to feel okay again

Walking by myself - I hate the way that sounds
Why is no one ever around?
I've been thrown away, just like every other day
Wishing I could find my own way, soon

Feel so lost
I'd do anything, don't care the cost
Just to feel like one of them
Just to feel okay again

Feel so lonely all the time
Wishing I knew why
Wish I was as pretty as the birds when they fly
Wish I could leave this all behind

Feel so lost
I'd do anything, don't care the cost
Just to feel like one of them
Just to feel okay again
Just to feel okay again

His Eyes Said It All

I could tell by the look in his eyes that maybe I'm just another one of his lies.
I could tell that all he thought of was the prize.
Maybe we weren't meant to be, but I can't handle all this misery.

Memories of what we used to be just keep haunting me.
Never thought it would hurt this much to just be free.

I could tell by the look in his eyes that he never really cared.
Didn't think anything of everything we shared.
Can't believe I fell for everything he said to me.
Oh, I could tell b the look in his eyes.

Thinking about you

 My heart is restless. I can't sleep. Maybe its because I know what tomorrow will bring.
I can't sleep. Ready to start a new day. Can't get it out of my head, that feeling of you.
 Guess I'm just scared, not ready to tough it out just yet. Can't get you out of my head.
My hear just isn't logical. I know I shouldn't want you, not after what you did. Guess I'm just scared.

On the road

Can't wait to get on the road again
Can't wait to feel that open air
Can't wait to be free

Its all I think about
Its my so called love
Can't get enough of my so called love

Can't wait to see you there
Can't wait to show you what I've got
Can't wait to be free

Its all I think about
Finally getting out
Can't enough
Can't wait to be out

There's no way to describe how I feel inside
Its my so called love

Its all I think about
Finally getting out

No way i'm in love

Its too cliche, no way I'm in love
Even though you're everything I want
Even though you're everything I need
You can't be that guy, the guy I want so badly
There's no way I'm in love, no not with you

You're not my usual type
But you make me laugh until I cry
Then you wipe away my tears
How could it be?
No, there's no way I could ever be in love,
Not with you

Being with you feels like home, everything I know
Falling asleep thinking of you
You can't be that guy, the guy I want so badly

When you look at me its like you really see
I like the feeling of being where you are
You're not my usual type

How is it that I let this happen?
How could this be?
Its too cliche, I'm in love with you

All it took

I'm not doing anything wrong
Just needing some inspiration for a new song
That's all

Never know what to write or what to say
Just want everything to be okay
Never wanted you to go astray
Just wanted everything to be okay

You have that smile and you give me that look
That's all it took

Power Through It

Power through it, that's what you always say
Get up, stand up
Can't you see I'm falling?

Never felt so bad in my life
Everything I do is wrong
You tell me to get over it

Guess I'm just pathetic like that
Crying myself to sleep
You tell me to power through it

Easier said than done
Everywhere I go, you're the one tearing me down

That's what you always say
Power through it
Get over it

I feel dead inside
Falling all the time
You keep pushing me when i try to climb

Power through it
That's what you always say

Lost

  Sometimes it’s a good thing to get lost. It heightens all your senses and keeps you on your toes. And since you might have blown your chances of finding your way back, it might be better to just simply enjoy the views, take snapshots, make notes-to-self, meet strange faces who think you look strange too, etc.

  Sometimes you just have to let it go. There might be a good reason why you got lost in the first place. Eventually when you least expect it, your sense of direction will all come back. And surprisingly enough, at that very moment, the place you really want to go to could be right where you are standing.

Rain

Every time I see you I wish it would randomly rain, because in my mind that is when you would pull me close and kiss me until our lips were numb.  Our clothes would get clingy, my makeup would smear, people would stare, and I would be happier than I've ever been in my whole life.

free slurpees can bring people together sometimes.

Summer is rapidly coming to a close and I hate that feeling. I want it to last forever. Except that I don't.
I'm at a weird place in my life where I want so many new adventures, yet want things to stay the same. I know I can't have both.
This has been a summer of heartbreak for various reasons. Everyday I feel myself growing more and more nostalgic for a life I've left behind. So many things have happened to me this year and the fact that is coming closer and closer to an end is starting to freak me out a little.
I'm not ready to grow up. College plans have changed and I'll be at home for another year (a.k.a main reason for heartbreak). This situation has its pro's and con's. One day I'm fine with it and the next I hate it.
I guess I wish I could make up my mind.
I just need a little more time for summer. A little more time to be care free.
Truth be told: I don't think I can do it.
Reality has a way of grabbing onto me when I least expect it, but lately I've been expecting it. Its a strange way to live life, always being on the lookout for doom.
I want to stay in summer for a little longer and let the light breezes wash over me some more.
I wish life was as simple as free slurpees and carnival rides.

Late Night Hour

I sat awake for hours last night, hoping to catch a glimpse of you at my window. You don't come around much anymore, but my windows always open.

Say something.

It would be great if you said something. I just want us to be honest with each other - tell each other what we really feel. I'm so sick of these games and the way they never end. And its so frustrating the way you're able to manipulate me and mess with my head. Please stop wasting my time and just tell me what you want from me.

You can't tell me that

You can't tell me that she knows everything I know about you. You can't fool me into believing that. Be honest with yourself for one second and tell me that you feel the same way I feel about you. Please, please tell me that you love me too.

Your winning streak starts now

Don't act like this is luck
This is all you
You're so much more than you think you are

The Game

You didn't even realize the crowd in the stands were there until the game was over and you stepped off the field. That's how much you loved the game. I could see it in your face.
I think that's what I'll miss most about you.

These hands miss yours.

These eyes need to look into yours, just one more time.
These feet want to be tangled with yours once more.
These words are to let you know I miss you.
I need you.

Can you feel my love, loud and clear?

I guess I never really believed it could be over. I guess i never really believed we would have an end. I thought we could stay this way forever, perfectly happy. Maybe that was wishful thinking, but I think we're meant to be. I just wish that you'll realize this one day, and when you do I'll welcome you with open arms.

Three years have passed

My feelings for you have faded, but I still see you in my dreams sometimes, acting casual as usual.

I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination

I wonder what you think

I thought I fell for you, turns out you just pushed me

I wish you the best and hope you are as happy as you look in that picture

I miss him so much that every part of me aches with longing

You kept me guessing

I was just a silly girl with her head in the clouds

Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder how your lips would feel on mine. I could only imagine it to be perfect.

Before you quit, TRY!

Love is how two people can fall apart and then patch it back together.

His hair tempts you to run your fingers through it
His smile washes away all the pain and causes my lips to curl into their own smile, reflecting the brightness he brings through this simple and common expression.

So many things become beautiful when you take the time to look around

I hate everything about you
you make everything more difficult than it has to be
why can't you see that I wish you were gone?

Never-ending Drought

Nothing makes sense anymore. I should be gone, moved out, not stuck inside this never-ending drought.

Let's just be happy and forget the bad days.
Let's just be who we are and leave the skies of gray.
Maybe we can't run away
but we can have fun either way.

How could I have been so naive to think you could ever want me? It's always been her.. I guess you want someone beautiful, someone perfect, someone not me.

The sky was an inky blue to the east, a fiery mix of orange, red, and pink to the west. The bonfire burned bright, sending smoke and sparks up into the air. I could see the fire reflected in your eyes when you leaned in close to talk to me. You grinned when I spoke, the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. You gave me your jacket to wear when the night turned cold and the fire burned low.

Poor, Helpless, Sad Song

This is a sad song for anyone who'll listen
This is me crying out for you
This is me hanging my head in shame as old lovers do
This is a sad song for anyone who is heartbroken

You've moved on, you're happy
You're incredible, a superstar
And here I am, searching for your car wherever I go
You are perfectly imperfect, and I am just a mess

Everything you are is ingrained in my mind forever
All I think about is being with you, being together
This poor, helpless, sad song is all I can give you
This poor, helpless, sad song is all I have left of you

When one heartbreak ends, another always seems to begin.

I miss you with everything I have, everyday, and I'm sure I always will. You're the boy who got away.

I like his wit, and how I'll never measure up to it

It was all I had, just a sliver of hope. They had to take that from me as well.

They say everything works out in the end, but I wish things would shape up now. I don't think I can take this anymore. Can things be alright again?

There are other fish in the sea, and they love each other, never me

If I could drive all night, would I find my piece of mind? Would it be a million miles of cold, white lines and unfamiliar exit signs? I'd just drive on by, just south of knowing why.

Time stands still when you're nowhere bound.

She didn't have a reason to go, oh no. She didn't have a reason to stay, either way.

October

that october night when you said you’d drive her home a part of me died.

all i wanted was to be with you, but you said yes to her instead.

you said yes to her instead, so i laid my head down and cried my eyes out.

every day since then i turn my head at every passing red car, hoping to see your face.

you don’t even know my name and that’s okay, but there’s nothing i wouldn’t give to you.

you’re so casual, and i’m so fragile that missing you makes me want to cry.

that october night you said yes to her instead and i went home alone and rested my head

promising myself i’d never think of you again.

Sometimes when I say I only want to be left alone is when I miss you the most.

I get you, you get me

I get your weird habits,
I get your music taste,
I get your funky humor,
I get you.
You get me.
Let’s get together.

i have a million things i’ve planned in my head that i wanna say to you.
but whenever i see you, i can hardly do anything but smile.
when you smile back at me, i wonder what your million things could be.

i hate to say it but my brain is a poetry organ, my heart an ever-reaching muscle, and you are a beautiful boy forever in your sunday best.

There's this beautiful chaos about you it seems I can't resist.

When I'm not with you, all I think about is you. And when we're together, all I want to do is look into your eyes and never ever stop.

Watch your step

Watch your step. Its a long way down. The ground is always harder than it looks, the water deeper. the climb up steeper. Watch your step because its so much harder than it seems.

We don't need to be anything or anyone. We can just be us.

I'm happier than I've ever been now that I know you, but at the same time I'm sadder, too. I miss being neutral.

Don't even think about it.

Before, every flash of red on the road would cause me to turn my head. I'd be looking for your car with the dented passenger door you refused to fix. Now, I can't be bothered with that. I don't need you now. I don't look for your car. I don't wonder where you are. I don't think about you at all.

What's the point of wishing if you don't wish for what you really want?

You wrapped around my heart, constricting me
You kissed me and every bad thing fell away
You told me you loved me and I believed it
I said it and meant it
Guess I loved you way too much

Should have seen it coming

You're all I want but its not enough this time.
Sometimes it doesn't work out.
Sometimes its harder than it looks.
Sometimes you're let down.

New life on the horizon. Two hours away a new life lies. Too much space between. How much longer?

Ever since graduation I've been obsessed with college. I'm constantly checking my college email for updates and looking at my schedule. I register for classes tomorrow! Why can't August 24th be closer??
I'm. So. READY!

Where did the time go?

Ahhh! Everything is changing, including myself. Lately, I feel like everything is running right past me and then kicking me down when I try to get on my feet. I can't keep up.
On Wednesday I went to the senior banquet. I'm in a strange place in my life right now and that made me feel even weirder. Whatever.
There was a crazy thunder storm and tons of lightning. The day had been like 95 so I welcomed the rain which was refreshing, but not the thunder. Every thing seemed to vibrate and it was just really extreme. The overall experience was what I thought it would be; boring, but I'm still glad I went.
Thursday I had a graduation rehearsal at the actual venue I'll be graduating. I got my AP chord which I'm excited about. There was this humongous spider on the seat in front of me, luckily Alejandro, a person sitting next to me, killed it. It was honestly one of the biggest spiders I've ever seen.
The other person I'm sitting next to, Kyle, is wicked annoying. He has friends who sit behind us and so he is constantly turning his legs and bumping into me. Also, he seriously needs a breath mint.
The rehearsal was taking a long time because we were running through the entire program so the person behind me said "let's get outta here, I got beer to drink." I guess you had to be there and hear it for it to make any sense, but it was funny.
I graduate on SUNDAY!!
asdfghjkl;
Too many things are happening at once which is the reason I'm so scatterbrained right now.
byeeee :) <3

the best things in life aren't things. they're the moments you'll remember forever, and the people you'll never forget.

Maybe I'm hard of hearing, but I can see it all

The music blasts through the speakers and drowns out my fears
Before the song ends I find I can't shed any more tears
You're not worth it and I don't need this

Clouds in the sky all day long

The way the sun lights up the sky gives limitless opportunities
The way the rain falls to the ground and soaks through my clothes makes me realize life isn't fair.
The sun can't always shine.
Sometimes the clouds have to over take the sky and drench you.
Sometimes the sky has to fill with darkness before you can see the beauty in the way the sun dries up the emptiness in your life, making everything clear again.

Gotta look good if we're gonna break up

Screaming out for your attention
Will I ever be heard?

we could have lasted for forever

permanent marker is the only thing that lasts these days
everything else has a tendency to fade away
no one stays, everyone leaves
they all have somewhere to be
have someone more important than me

Sunshine

Follow the sun to a new life
The north star guides
As you're left with no one at your side

Flowers blooming
The beat of my heart
How did we get here?
The lights turn off
Darkness settles in
Hearts beating faster
Skin on skin
Warmness all over
The lights turn on
Illuminating the mistake

Hot Hot Hot

Hot is a temperature, not an adjective
but when it comes to you
you burn like the heat of the sun
Leaving traces of yourself behind
scorching the ground with every move
pushing everything aside

Monster

The candlelight turned your eyes to flames
Here in the dark I can see you for what you really are
Took the most romantic night of my life away
You're just a monster
Saw your face get red with rage
Felt mine dripping with tears
Too afraid to run, you've paralyzed me anyway
You're just a monster who loves to break me apart

"I wish there was an over the counter test for loneliness like this"

Like a mosquito, you suck me dry
There's nothing left but skin and bones
I've lost all hope.
What do I do?

Like a summer storm you're here and then you're gone
Just a shattered shell of a girl remains
I've lost all sense
What do I do?

I can't find a reason to stay
You've taken all I have and you've made me sacrifice
What do I do?
What do I do when I can't be with you?

Sometimes, I catch myself wishing for you
There's no reason to want you
You've hindered my spirit and made me cold
What do I do?
What do I do when I can't be with you?

Joe

You swung hard. The ball soared through the sir, landing far away. You ran and ran, throwing the bat down. Already at second base, going so far in a matter of seconds. Your eyes engaged, you keep track of everything around you.
Everything but me, watching from a safe distance. You made it home and threw your arms around her neck, a smile on her face. I smile, too. Happy than you're happy.
My smile fades, yours gets brighter. Silent tears fall from my eyes. You're beautiful in everything you do.
Your laugh echoes its way to me. I miss that laugh and way you were up for anything.
I stand and watch as you sit, waiting for your turn to come again. I know they will. You're smart and charming.
You make me laugh and make me feel alive.
I'm far away now, walking back to my car. I wipe the tears away and know its goodbye. Never again will I see you in this summer light.
You laugh again. It wraps itself around me and  know I'll keep the memory tucked far away, safe.
But for now, I close the door and drive away.

When I said it, I thought the ground would open up and I'd fall far.
The ground became level again when you said it back. No crashes or red faces
Just silence.
Silence filled with so much it was screaming at me, telling me to take the plunge.
It was ok.
I could lean forward and kiss you.
You'd answer back, keeping things equal, as you always do.

Its like you forgot the words you whispered to me

He said he loved her.
They were at the movies, watching a boring movie. Her palms were sweaty.
She could tell there was something different about this night. The credits began to roll. He stood up and offered her his hand. She took it gladly. He brought her for ice cream. They laughed and smiled. Her face was already in a smile when he said it. Those three simple words that carry so much weight.
"I love you."
I love you, too," she answered back. The stars seemed brighter all of a sudden. Any worries she had about anything at all dissolved.

Flash forward a week. She's at the mall alone, doing some errands. He's with some other girl. A girl she recognizes from the junior class. A girl she knows. He's holding her hand, and she's smiling.
There's no way to tell exactly what he says, but he says it at a time when there's a smile already etched on this other girl's face.
When he's done talking the other girl seems to stand taller. Anyone could tell she was pleased.

Later that night she calls him.
"Tell me, she says into the phone. "Tell me what you were thinking. Who are you? I thought I knew." All she heard was silence. "Could you tell me what did I do? Because we can't already be through."
In the end, though they were done. She knew it as soon as she called him. It was just what he did. He took what he wanted and left her there with nowhere to go. He sold her out for a fool.

It's okay. It's always okay. Tomorrow is tomorrow. Today will go away.

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”

—

Greek

I wish that all your roads would lead you right to me

'cause that's where you belong

It was your world, baby and I just lived in it

“I had a moment, just one moment that made everything completely clear to me. I was looking at the night sky and I could see everything: the stars, planets, galaxies. I felt like a speck, who was here for one moment in time and then gone. And I decided that while I’m here I want to be with my friends and the people I love because when I’m with you guys I don’t feel that small.”

—	Boy Meets World, episode 6.22

Belief

I have to believe that things will get better.
I have to believe that the sky will clear.
I have to believe that the air will warm.
I have to believe that maybe its better to be alone.
I have to believe that my hard work will bring me places.
I have to believe that it will all work out in the end.

I Hate Getting my Picture Taken

Today I had to get my picture taken for winning a superlative. Ugh. I know I looked terrible. Everything about today was just not fun and i hated everything. I also hate the other person who won shyest. He will forever be on my hate-list.

Lead Me To The Truth And I Will Follow You With My Whole Life

Book Review: My Name Is Memory by Ann Brashares

  My Name Is Memory is a fairly new book, published in 2010. I had wanted it for my birthday back in December but never got it. I recently checked it out from the library though.
  The story is about this guy named Daniel who has a very impressive memory. He is someone who is reincarnated, and everyone else in the book is too, only he can remember his past lives. In each life he is in love with the same girl, but she does not share this unique memory. Sometimes they don't match up. He is a young boy while she is an old woman, or vice versa. One time he was a peasant boy while she was a princess a few years his senior. Sometimes they just simply cannot be together. He loves her just the same, though. He tries as hard as he can to make Lucy remember. He calls her Sophia because that was the last name she had when he had seen her last before his current life. His brother from a previous life also shows up just to add a little drama.

  It gets a little bit confusing, but is not that hard to understand once you get the characters straight. It was a decent read but I didn't really get into it. I'm glad I only got it from the library and didn't buy it. I don't think its something I'll ever want to read again. I was expecting something different. I am a fan of her other books, the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and The last Summer of Me and You, but this didn't live up to my expectations.
  It wasn't terribly bad, just not what I'm usually into. Maybe if you're a little older you'll like it better, but for now I give it 3 out of 5 stars.

A simple Sunday gone awry...

I got up around eight this morning. I was sitting there eating my rice krispies, minding my own business when my mom called. She had forgotten her keys to her office/other important things she needed access to. Once I finished I quickly changed but kept my hair in a really gross looking messy bun and hopped in the car with my sister. We drove about an hour and fifteen minutes and got there, but she wasn't there. She got called out to deal with something, so we had to leave the keys with the ticket agent. It was not fun at all. Then we got a little bit lost on the way back, but we finally made it. It was around twelve when we got back and we had sandwiches for lunch. Its four now and though I don't have much else to do besides laundry and stuff, I can't help but feel like my whole day has been ruined. :(

He walked around my life and made me blind with every single move

  He kept her up at night. She only thought of him for six glorious months. Then she learned the truth. Cheater. The word danced around her mind. How could she miss it? The signs were all there.
  She cried. And cried. As much as she wanted to she couldn't turn this page of her life. He was always there, taunting her. Whenever she was happy for a second, the memories came flooding back. He hurt her in an unforgivable way.
  In the beginning she was too caught up in the feelings of new love to realize anything was wrong. But then reality crept in. Always a cynic, she assumed the worst, only this time she didn't want to be right.
  Now, the nights are long and cold. Why did she have to be right?

wear out that old wishing well, never know if time will tell

After a long day she went to his house. She just walked right on up to his room and crawled into his bed with him. He was reading and didn't even look up when she came in, just put his arm around her and held her as she cried. He was no good at advice or consoling with words, but the silence was enough for now. All she needed was someone to be there for her.
They stayed like that for a while but she had to be home soon. She sat up, wiped her eyes and began walking to the door. Once she was there she looked back. He was reading again, but looked up when he noticed her looking at him. He offered her a small smile. It wasn't much, but it was enough to make her heart feel whole again.
Who knew? Maybe one day she would stay the night. Maybe she would never cry over anyone again. Maybe he was the one who could make her happy.

“Life can be long or short, it all depends on how you choose to live it. It’s like forever, always changing. For any of us our forever could end in an hour, or a hundred years from now. You can never know for sure, so you’d better make every second count. What you have to decide is how you want your life to be. If your forever was ending tomorrow, is this how you’d want to have spent it?”

—	The Truth About Forever

Curled my hair and hour ago...

I simply cannot pull them off. They never turn out the way I want them to.
Anyway, tonight I'm watching a show and this episode is all about prom. HAHAHA! some guy took his guitar as his date, and this other girl is wearing this hideous dress and contemplating the use of forks.
Only two people are running the prom, meaning two people are taking the pictures, serving dinner and acting as the DJ.
Away from that, I guess blogging is more fun than I thought it would be. My first posts were song/poem thing I wrote and then I made a post about my life and the end of school. I made a review of a product I really enjoy. Then there's this.
I have no idea what this blog will be. Maybe a combination of all those things? I don't know. Whatever strikes me at the moment, I guess.
Well, bye for now. :)

Clinique 3-Step Skin Care System

This is honestly the best skin care system I've ever used. I first purchased sample sizes for about $25 at Sephora last April. I instantly fell in love and when my samples ran out (after about a month.. I got the travel kit) I immediately went out and purchased the full sizes. 

There are four levels of the system, 1,2,3,and 4. 1 and 2 are for dry skin, while 3 and 4 are for more oily skin. I am a 2 because I have dry skin than can be oily at times (3 would be for oily skin that is not too oily and can sometimes be dry). 

Step one is a facial cleanser. I only need one pump of this to get my whole face clean.

Step two is the clarifying lotion, aka toner. Its not too harsh and i can really feel it working! I use about two pumps on a cotton ball, that's all I need to get the job done!

Step three is the dramatically different moisturizing lotion/gel. Depending on what level you are, you'll get either the lotion or the gel. If you are level 1 or 2 you'll get the lotion. If you're a 3 or a 4 you'll get the gel. Since I'm a 2 I've only used the lotion. I really like it and find that is moisturizes really well. Again, I only need one pump of this.

Use these both morning and night and clear skin will come your way!

It will take some time for you to see results. This is not something that will clear your skin overnight. It gradually clears your skin and eventually (for me it was 2 or 3 weeks) you'll notice that no new acne is forming.

To begin with I had very mild acne, but I really did notice a difference!

I completely recommend this system.

Feel It All

I feel it all
from the way you pick up and leave
and don't even look back
I feel t all

I felt it all
when you told me you loved me
you'd never let me go
now you're packing boxes, can't get out fast enough
can't get away from me fast enough

That first day I fell hard
didn't wanna believe in the love you were throwing my way
didn't wanna believe I could feel like that
oh, what i'd do to get that moment back
and throw it in your face
you don't deserve me anyway

I feel it all
from the way you pick up and leave
and don't even look back
I feel it all

I felt it all when I saw you with her
breaking the rules, going behind my back
can't believe I believed in your love
Can't believe I let you make me feel like that
oh, what I'd do to get that moment back
and throw it in your face
you don't deserve me anyway

I think a part of me will always be waiting for you

My pillow knows the truth at night
Knows I hardly sleep at all
I swear I can get through the day, though I'll only think of you
The world only sees me smile
Doesn't know my love grows for you
Grows for you everyday
Could never quite place the color of you eyes, but knew every laugh line
Remembered all the times I thought we could be wonderful

The years have lasted too long, but they're ending too soon

Today is Saturday and I'm loving the weekend so far. On Monday, however, I will begin my last week of high school. Thursday will be my last day of classes. On Friday I'll take two finals, get another (long) weekend and then take my last two finals the following Tuesday. I'll have the rest of the week off and I know I'll enjoy it, especially my younger brother will still have to go to school!
The week after that I'll have a few graduation rehearsals and then actual graduation and stuff, but basically, I AM DONE WITH HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!!
No words can describe what I'm feeling right now. akjdkshfkslahfd
I'm just so happy.
Yesterday was the senior pep rally. Our last pep rally EVER! Seniors who won a superlative were called down off the bleachers and given a gift relating to the superlative they won, i.e me. hahaha.
I won shyest. That's right. So I got an eye mask, like the ones some people wear to bed. You'd think walking in front of the entire school would be wicked embarrassing, especially for someone who won shyest, but it really wasn't. I mean, the microphone wasn't working so my class advisors were just shouting out the names, and I was one of the last categories called so there were like twenty other kid up there with me, so that helped.
I'm just so glad I'll finally begetting out of there and onto bigger, better things.
College begins at the end of August and I cannot wait!

I don't need you

I still believe in everything you ever told me
Even though you're gone
Even though you chose to go

Still take time to sit back and smell the roses
Laugh at all the small things
Smile into the summer breeze
Even though you chose to go

Because I'm not the kind of girl guys fall in love with

Always on the sidelines, watching from a distance
Spending every weekend alone
Never feeling welcome, even at home
Wish I could stand up and say what I feel, but I'm not like that
Too introverted to even notice anything other than defeat
Knowing everything about everyone, but them nothing of me
Not even my name
I'm always invisible, but that's okay

Paul

This love I feel for you will never fade
This love I feel will never go away,
Not completely anyway

Nothing can make me feel anything anymore
Other guys, they don't even catch my eye
No not like you
All I ever think about is your eyes and you sitting with me
Laughing at all the wrong times
Sharing secrets that Monday night

Only knew you for a little while
not long enough at all
My love will last long into the future
I wonder if you even notice me anymore
But for me, when I see you its all I can do not to fall apart on the ground,
Wishing that I was somehow bound to you for longer than just a moment
I hope you notice

All I ever think about is your eyes and you sitting with me
Laughing at all the wrong times
Sharing secrets on that cold Monday night

We ran across a busy street and you looked at me
That's when I knew
I'd never get over you

Never Knew

Sun sets and car crashes, never knew you'd be gone from me
The sky was orange and you were smiling.
Loved it when you were laughing.
Riding in the car with you was something we'd always do
never knew you'd be gone from me

The nights are long and my tears are finally gone
The sun don't even shine no more
No way I can go on, not without you here
You're the only thing I've ever known
Never knew you'd be gone from me

You were gone on impact and I walked away without a scratch
It's just not fair
I used to live without a care but now I'm just so scared
scared to do anything

Sun Sets and car crashes
never knew you'd be gone from me

It would have been nice to see you coming, but that would have ruined the surprise

The other day my friend told me how much she loved blogging and just posting random things. I've never really seen the appeal to it, but I thought I'd try it out. I'm not really sure what this will be about, but I'll try my best to keep it interesting.